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I've written before about friends who are far away. Who we communicate rarely, but when we do it is like no time has passed. I realize that I take for granted that those friends will always be "where I left them". This past week my friend, Lisa, passed away after a brief illness. I told a mutual friend that I didn't realize how much I missed her until she left us for Heaven.
Lisa was one of the few people who we still exchanged handwritten letters. Especially since her stroke, she didn't use much electronic communication, at least not with me. The past few years we wrote a letter once or twice a year, trying to catch up in three to five pages (front and back) of loopy, 1980's writing. When I wrote to her family tonight, it was hard to remember I was writing about her, not to her. I loved finding one of her letters in my mailbox.
In one of her letters, writing about her life as a single mom, Lisa said something like she was just a statistic now. As I told her at the time, Lisa could never be just a statistic. Lisa was an overcomer before Mandisa made it a thing to be. She never found a problem she couldn't find her way around. Pretty much anything she set her mind to was completed. When she had a stroke about eleven years ago, the prognosis wasn't good. Against all the odds, she recovered from that illness, had another baby, went back to work. She raised her four kids, leading them to follow Christ as she does. Her kids are a stunning legacy to her overcomer skills.
Lisa was one of those friends who I wasn't close to at school, but who I spent an extraordinary part of my childhood and teen years with outside of school. As I get older, I'm the first to admit that some of my memories are a bit fuzzy on the details. I can't be trusted to remember if it was Lisa, or her sister, or someone else....really who said or did a lot of things...but I remember the feelings and the general idea: Slumber parties on living room floors, New Year's Eve parties (with chex mix), choir practices, after church "field trips"...I can't tell you all the details, but I can tell you there was a lot of laughter, usually because Lisa said something witty. I have no idea why we found it funny at the time, but I still smile when I think of one slumber party, very (very) late at night, when Lisa rolled herself up in a sleeping bag and we all giggled hysterically as she said, "I'm a piggie in a blanket". (Hmm...I probably should go easier on my daughter's slumber party giggle fests...). I have no idea to this day why that was so funny...but it was. There was the (in)famous 4-H Fashion Show where a slip had to be stapled. Games of sardines in my tiny house on Jackson street, when we all piled (with my mom) behind the laundry hampers (best hiding place ever!). A few (too short and too few) visits to each other's dorms and apartments at Purdue, and even fewer and shorter visits as adults. At one point as kids, we all had matching shirts, in theory, so our parents could find us on the field trips, but really because we enjoyed having matching shirts (not matching with the boys though--yuck) Lisa's shirt was just a little bit different than the rest--we all had green apples, but she had a fancy neckline. I also have a lot of memories of us walking places--walking to the store in Burrows, walking to church from your house, walking to my house from the elementary school (once in our costumes from the sixth-grade play..."monster" makeup and all).
I loved going to her house. There were German lessons during dinner--after the devotions book was read and the food was served, of course. I think I can still order a beer in German (why did your dad teach us that?) but I don't think I can ask for the milk...And I feel like I remember a story about chicken surprise that wasn't really chicken. Or maybe that was just something we talked about...like I said, the details are fuzzy. Once I was there when your cat had kittens in your closet. That didn't turn out so well, unfortunately. And there was the night there was the world's tiniest, cutest, MOUSE, hopping up the back stairs (eeeekkkk....)....But you did teach me about other livestock--I astound people who think I'm a city girl (which I am) with my ability to herd hogs back into their pens using the big board thingy! I also remember fondly "stealing" frozen cookies from the basement at church...I still have an affinity for frozen cookies.
Lisa and I were at Purdue at the same time. I remember hanging out in her dorm room a few times that first year, and then we had different friends and different interests. We saw each other at home, at church, over holidays, but not often otherwise. I love watching the film of my wedding, because there is a clear scene of Lisa and a couple other friends from childhood/high school talking in the back row of the church. They are talking about who each of the folks in the wedding party are and all the other things people discuss at weddings. Their lips are easy to read. When Lisa got married, she personally mailed me a photo of her and her bridesmaids, since I already lived far away. I kept that photo on my desk for years. She was diligent about sending photos of her kids (back when we all printed and sent photos)along with little notes about what everyone was up to.
When my daughter was young, I visited the church we grew up in and was able to spend a few lovely hours with Lisa, her parents, and the two kids she had at the time. I loved hearing that her kids put my daughter's photo on their refrigerator and referred to her as "my". I have pictures in my head of that day, but have not successfully found any actual photos.
As I sit here, so far away from Lisa's family, I have a lot of "I wish" and "I should have"...but I continue to take a deep breath and remember this is not goodbye--it is just a "see you someday". For now, I will remember all wonderful things that made Lisa who she was. I'll remember her legacy, brought to life in her four beautiful children. My mom said it well when she noted that while we'll always picture Lisa as the sixteen year old opening a toy car for her birthday, I am happy to hear of her wonderful adult accomplishments and the strong faith she was able to help her children grow.
I'll continue to pray for her children, parents, and siblings. And maybe I'll be a little better at keeping in touch with those of you still here on Earth.
May God hold you in the palm of his hand, until I see you again, my Friend.
Other memories that didn't make the narrative and may or may not be part of Lisa's story(I decided to leave them here as my notes)
reheating waffles
sunday school--the 1950's manners books, the demons went in the pigs and they ran off a cliff
drop by visits to our house during fair
rat behind barn door (Beth?)
shaved ham--something smells like shaved ham (Beth)
"Jump"on big rock in front yard
watching sound of music on new years
watching mtv on sat morning
riding bus to your house
