Wonder Weeks for Teens?

Thanks to The Baby Sleep Site for including the language of the Wonder Weeks for me to shamelessly parody this philosophy.....(I'm warning you...I probably think I'm funnier than I actually am..so tell me I'm funny if you want, or just pretend you didn't see this if you don't think I am)

My sister-in-law and brother-in-law have sworn by the Wonder Weeks books and system--According to Amazon: "The Wonder Weeks. How to stimulate your baby's mental development and help him turn his 10 predictable, great, fussy phases into magical leaps forward describes the incredible mental developmental changes (leaps) and regression periods that all babies go through. Understanding the real reason behind crying, eating and sleeping problems is the only real solution every parent needs. The Wonder Weeks reveals what’s going on inside baby’s mind."

There seem to be lots of discussions about "Well, if you expect your child to be fussy then they will be", usually followed by someone else saying something like "golly, I couldn't figure out what was going on, then I remembered this book and went 'ooohhh'".  Overall, the reviews seem positive and people seem to believe that the idea is valid and trusted. 

It got me thinking, what would wonder weeks for teenagers look like?

624-675 weeks- Transition--These weeks are often marked with periods of regression, as well as attempted independence.  The teenager may crawl into their parents' bed one night, and refuse to go to speak to them the next.  This time may also be marked by entrance into Middle School or Junior High.  While still interested in snuggling occasionally, these opportunities become farther apart as the teen tests limits.  The best response is a flexible one, being available to snuggle when asked (without showing too much enthusiasm, as this will break the moment) and having the patience to stand by when "not wanted".

676-727 weeks--Thrilling Thirteen--Like the "Terrible Twos", these weeks are sometimes remarkably uneventful, with more hype than actual thrills. The turmoil of entering a new school has died down slightly.  For some teens there may be a hormonal spike, beginning as early as 520 weeks in some cases, that can cause irrational behavior throughout the teen years.  The best treatment is to remain calm and say repeatedly, "Hormones...they're not just for girls". Again, being flexible, but firm, is imperative.  And chocolate. Lots of chocolate (for the parents).

728-779 weeks--Transition, Again--These weeks are often marked by more transition, this time to high school.  Added external stressers (for parents) include: classmates who look like they are 1560 weeks old, new friends who can drive, parties, etc.  Stressers for the teen include AP exams, exams of any type, reading Grindal, and friends who act irrationally due to their own immersion in the teen wonder weeks.  Parents should remain calm and repeat often, "No, you may not attend a rave" (to the teen) and "This too shall pass"(to themselves).  Applying chocolate to the teen as well as the parent may be helpful at this time.

780-831 weeks-Driven--Not just a description of the teen's goals, because sometimes they may not actually be "driven", but a description of life in general.  The parents may find themselves driving the teen and multiple friends as well as find themselves in the passenger seat, riding with a new teen permit holder. The phrase "it would be ok to use your brakes" may be useful during this time.  Making adult friends near the teen's school is also useful, so that when the phrase "We'll be back at school from the sporting event at midnight" is spoken the parent has a nearby location to nap on a friend's couch.  The teen will probably alternate been behavior that is "driven" ("I have to get an A on the test so I can go to Harvard!!!") and behavior that seems apathetic.  If the parent indulges, this may be the time for a glass of wine (for the parent!).  

832-1014 weeks--Time Flies--This longer period of time, that according to experts, seems short in hindsight, usually encompasses "once in a lifetime" events such as prom and graduation.  It may include visits to colleges, parent/child negotiation about distance from home, and repeated reminders that "you don't have to go to the same college as your friends". The FAFSA form is a stresser for both the teen and the parent, as well as additional discussions about adult choices.  The teen may occasionally revert to child-like behavior and an emphasis may be put on "family traditions" by the teen and/or the parent. Take lots of pictures and enjoy the ride.

1014 -1170 weeks  Systems--During this time, the teenager may continue to build independence, punctuated by periodic periods of parental reliance (particularly in situations involving car repair, laundry, college tuition, and job searches).  The teen will probably move out, at least partially, during this time period, to either attend college or begin working in the adult world. But, lest a meltdown be triggered, provide an opportunity for the teen to empty their own room before turning it into a gym or library.  This period is best treated with gifts of groceries, snow tires, and occasional twenty dollar bills left under lamps in teen's apartment or dorm room. 

1170-1300 weeks--The Lost Years--These years are actually not lost, but extremely instrumental in the young adult's creation of themself as an adult.  However, depending on the young adult, they may have greatly increased or greatly decreased reliance on their parents.  Much like the 624-675 week period, be available, thankful for positives, and firm, but flexible, with boundaries ("No, we aren't paying for a $50,000 wedding to a person you met last week", "yes, you can live in our basement, but only until July").

1300 weeks--Responsibility--My sources assure me that by 1300 weeks, most young adults have settled into a pattern more closely matching adult behavior. While, we all as human beings, occasionally need extra TLC, for the most part the treacherous path of the teen Wonder Weeks has passed.  My sources also tell me that somewhere between 1300 weeks and 2080 weeks, there is a reasonable chance that the child will become a parent themselves, allowing the words, "Yeah, s/he acts just like you did" to be said and opportunities for bonding as adults, not just parent and child, to occur.