You can't make this stuff up...

Teaching at high school is always interesting.  One of my former co-teachers says, “You can’t make this stuff up!”.  For example, earlier this week,  a student told another one of our co-workers that she “smelled like a unicorn”. Ummmm…ok.  None of us are quite sure what a unicorn smells like, despite sniffing our co-worker repeatedly.  And yes, she thinks we are weird.  And yes, I think that whole thing is hilarious.

 This morning our juniors took the state-mandated ACT test.  The test itself went very well and as we were releasing the juniors and welcoming the other classes (we held abbreviated classes after the test) someone called in some kind of threat so we went to a locked perimeter.  So…as kids got off the school buses and walked onto campus, we escorted all 1500 of them to the gym and held them for about 40 minutes. The “band kids” had just come from a picnic at the park, complete with picnic baskets and matching (I’m not kidding) blankets.  So they re-set up their picnic .  Then the (very nice) PE staff opened the “play closet” and released about 50 dodge balls to the general populace.  We made all our juniors wait in the cafeteria, where we were supposed to feed them lunch.  Unfortunately, some of our juniors, those who were wandering or who had extended time on their test, were ‘trapped” in other areas.  I think that eventually everyone who wanted lunch got something, but it was a little cra-cra for a few minutes. One of the band kids said to me, “Miss!  What’s going on?  Are we on the news?”  My response?  “ummm…I just came from ACT testing, so I don’t have my phone or my computer….so you probably know more than I do!”  In the end, the threat was not “real” and we sent everyone on their way after possibly the biggest unofficial dodgeball game ever held in the midst of a picnic.  

 Then I covered a co-workers class during which her students (who I have in other classes) tried to convince me that the illuminati controlled the music industry.  They had some very interesting points, but I’m not convinced, especially since their "evidence" consisted of several amateur movies on YouTube..  Just sayin.

 I made it back to my office and ate my breakfast muffin (at noon) and read my school email…rescheduled a couple meetings and wasted some time.  I went to class for a few minutes, tried to convince the girls in my class that "classy is better than trashy....let's all put on shirts with either straps or sleeves"..then left  my co-teacher and students to go supervise the last few minutes of extended time testing.  As they were finishing their test a man arrived at the classroom door (which was locked) and was trying to unlock it.  I walked over to say, “um….?” and he told me that he was “measuring the doors” and proceeded to shout the measurements to his helper down the hall, despite my repeated "Excuse me, these kids are taking the ACT".  Um, now?  Really?  Really?

 As I carried the Rubbermaid tub of completed tests back to test central (kind of like the Bat Cave), I happened upon one of my students speaking very loudly on his cell phone in the hall.  In response to my "um, why aren't you in class and why are you so loud in the hall?", he responded that he had called a classmate for the 4th or 5th time that day.  The classmate hadn't picked up, called back, or texted all morning, and this time when my student called a man who identified himself as a doctor answered the phone.   Turns out that the missing student had fallen ill in the community and been picked up by an ambulance and transported to a hospital.  Since he wasn't carrying any ID and his phone was locked, the hospital had no way of identifying him while he was incoherent.  Yikes!  (The lesson here is if you lock your phone then you should carry ID....or not lock your phone?)   I made sure my student got to the office, so an administrator could verify his story, call the hospital, and help contact the classmate's family.   Then I dropped off my bin of ACT materials and went to find my student.  He was in the dean's office with a secretary, who didn't have permission to give the hospital information and couldn't get a hold of anyone by radio or phone who could.  I sat in her chair and hoped that the dean's office phone wouldn't ring while she took my student and his phone to the principal to sort it all out. 

Finally(?) I stumbled to my last hour class (late...thankfully I have a team teacher who I had warned I might be late...thinking I'd be covering the extended time test longer) and helped my students work on their research projects.  My team teacher told me a story about helping a girl last week who passed out in the restroom...and I kept saying, "What?"....

Seriously, you can't make this stuff up.